squalor that leaves the mind gasping for air

"In the lights of passing shops,
we could see tattered clothing on a
frail humanity,
pumping water into an old bucket,
carrying a gunny sack of
dirty papers and rags,
and hammering on a
greasy bicycle frame.

My wife was crying tears and sobbing sobs,
"Take me back home!"
"I want to go back home!"

My heart was thinking,
"Is this a ride through hell?"
"Is this a night in Paradise Lost?"
"Is this what happens
when no one cares?"
"Is this the ultimate end of
a lost humanity?"
"And where are the shepherds
to look for the lost sheep?"

In Calcutta, you walk through human
stench and bone-grinding
degradation and watch a heroic
struggle against all the odds to
survive in a squalor that leaves the mind
gasping for air.

You walk through a no-man's land of
lepers begging
with no noses and
with stumps for fingers
(the flesh long since eaten away).

You see humanity with no limbs, partial
limbs, and horribly twisted limbs
vying for alms with mothers
clutching new-born babies to their
shriveled breasts.

You see children scavenging garbage bins
for bits of broken glass or metal
for 14 cents a day.

Then, before you can get accustomed to
the depths of someone else's misery,
the survival dance takes a different turn.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see an
enchantingly beautiful nine- or ten-year
old girl picking through a pile of
ashes to find some bits of
charcoal to sell.

Her beauty could appear on the cover of
any number of American fashion
magazines were it not for her filth, and
you ask yourself,

"What future does she have?"

"How long before she begins to sell herself for
some man’s quick joyride
at 30 or 40 cents a shot?"

And deeper questions jettison into your
conscience,
"What is my responsibility here?"
"Am I my brother's keeper?"
"Who is my neighbor?"

---

I'm not sure who wrote this, maybe David G. Marmon.
But it resonates with me, reminds me of Haiti - the
"you walk through human
stench and bone-grinding
degradation and watch a heroic
struggle against all the odds to
survive in a squalor that leaves the mind
gasping for air."
especially,
with the ending being the sort of questions that seem to be permanently embedded in my own thoughts, the answers always changing and never secure enough to be closed with a period.
I despair over being bound by financial limitations in my longings to experience and hopefully help change the world/at least one person's life, but it doesn't leave me without excuse or responsibility even with under $50 to live off of for the next who knows how long. This is perhaps a bit extreme, but challenging and thought provoking for me non-the-less:

"Definitely Mother Teresa is someone I consider a hero; not for her work and dedication to the poor and the dying and destitute; nor for the nice quotes she left us to write in our face book profiles. I admire her for her power to sacrifice without requirements. I have been seen how missionaries work around the world, and how non-profits organizations functions and there is always conditions and requirements of all sorts, from A to Z, from all colors of the rainbow and wedding ring sizes before "loving people".
I am not ignorant and I am quite aware that without money we can't do much; we cannot help a hungry child or cure someone’s disease. But seems that it was not that important for Momma T and she has never have those requirements to start to acting justly, love mercy and walking humbly: begging for food herself to feed the orphans was a sacrifice she made but she never required of God to provide everything before she started living the life she was called to.
How many people like helping the poor but with the condition of a home with a bed and a place to shower? Or How many of us are willing to live with the poor somewhere in the slums in Thailand, knowing that we can always count in having few dollars that someone, either family or friends, will deposit to held us to get our basic needs and once in a while a treat?
I want to help everyone only if I have my own comfort zone within my uncomfortable zone. I have conditions to help. I am a hypocrite; that’s what I am and I realized that there are so many things I have to confront. But Mother Teresa was not even close to be a hypocrite: she became an orphan herself (separating from her family), and lived among the poor leaving behind the comfort of her cozy convent in Loreto"

(-www.iamhumanity.blogspot.com)

the rubble is pushed aside, the bodies are out of sight ...

it's been 6 months since the earthquake, and judging by the media coverage (or should I say lack there of?), it seems Haiti has regained some stability and normalcy.

Well, normalcy, yes. I can attest to the fact that the Haitians seemed to have adjusted. Unfortunately what the past 6 months has made "normal" to Haitians is a life that no one should have to adjust to. Every single park, field, or open space has been converted in to a tent city (If you haven't read my previous posts, a "tent" could mean anything from a big hoop tent to a small camping tent to four big sticks with plastic wrap and rice bags for a ceiling.), some housing as many as 10,000 displaced Haitians (very possibly a higher number, that's just the largest that I personally saw), with another tent city down the road, and then on the next street, and the next and the next and the one after that and so on and so forth.
You do not need to go looking for the ones who have lost everything, they are everywhere.

So, yes, there's more of a sense of normalcy. But the "norm" is rape. The "norm," is starvation. The NORM is sleepless nights, hugging your few belongings tight as the rest of your tent gets flooded in torrential downpour and fishing out other possessions in the morning, not knowing when the next time you'll be assured a sip of water, unemployment and boredom resulting in theft and gang activity, hundreds of orphans in one place being "cared for" by people who don't have enough to feed their own children, the norm is children being robbed of a future or education because you no longer have the right clothes or supplies to be allowed in to schools, the norm are swollen stomachs and orange hair that's falling out from malnutrition.
Haiti is no doubt more stable than it was right after the earthquake. But instead of a tragic "event," it is now a tragic life.

And it is already almost forgotten.

Please.. PLEASE DO NOT FORGET ABOUT HAITI!!!

When the Earthquake was still really big, Rihanna, Jay-Z, and Bono wrote a song regarding the tragedy. During the chorus, along with some semi-unfortunate "ooh"ing, this is repeated:
"We're not gunna leave you stranded...."
I listened to it the other day when I was looking some Haiti stuff up on youtube, and I started crying when it got to that part. (haha, yea, okay, embarrassing... whatever, lol) Not because of the song (can't really claim to be a fan), not even so much about the message... but because... It's only 6 months later and in many ways we HAVE already left. We did leave them stranded... or at least I kind of feel like I did.
This song had no emotional anything to me when I heard it originally.
But now it's different. Now I've been there. Now I know the people. I've seen their destroyed homes, destroyed lives, destroyed families. And yes, I was there for almost 2 and a half months, and I worked my hardest while I was there. But that was already almost a month ago, and I've done nothing for them since. As far as I know, I will never do anything that helps the country of Haiti ever again. I know it's not about guilt, but I am sitting in my comfortable chair on the internet in the air conditioning, when I now have friends who don't even have a ceiling or walls, and I am not actively trying to improve their life.
The entire world was mourning with Haiti on January 12th, yet now it's as if the dead were buried with the alive, and no one's bringing flowers to the graveside.


***I wrote this and didn't publish it because I was going to add/edit it and make it awesome and make you care, but mostly this is just me realizing the depth of my experiences in Haiti and everything that happened, and really finally mourning for them, and wanting to be there again, very much. But now I am going to post it anyway because I've concluded I'll never really finish it, and I do think it's important to remember that Haiti is not instantly better just because TV's got something new to cover.