I feel like this is really, really, really what I'm supposed to do. Like its not supposed to be just some little thing like, 'This is Sara's life. Sara works at a nondescript retail store. Sara went to Amsterdam. Sara works at nondescript retail store again.' Oh sweet betsy if I end up back at Target or anywhere like it I will die. I feel like this isn't just a teeny escape from my regular life, but rather the beginning of a whole new way of life. I want to leave the dreary waiting room where I'm just saving money at a job I'm good at (probably along with anyone else who doesn't suffer from physical handicaps) but settled for and has nothing to do with any of my desires, wondering what to do with my life, if my current path will ever lead anywhere, if I am ever going to take the steps to live the sort of life that I was made for.
THIS IS IT. This is my ideal life. Living all over, meeting all sorts of people, building relationships, and helping people. Not even close to conventional, but since when am I conventional?Money doesnt matter to me. I highly value and appreciate education and love learning and want to extend my knowledge as much as possible (with or without schooling), but when I'm 80 and I look back on my life, even if i do end up going back to school (and who knows, maybe even get my masters if im bored/inspired enough) - my "accomplishments," the things that were really important to me and impacted my life will probably have little to do with completing a system of courses that society uses to determine your worth or intelligence. The most important things to me are God, relationships, living in a way that is right and benefits others, and doing everything I feel I should do.
Cuzzz seriously why the heck should I settle for living like everyone else? Everyone else does not want to do exactly what I want to do! Everyone else is not interested in what I am interested in! So why should I live in such a way which does not accurately represent me just because that seems to be what is socially acceptable?? SCREW EVERYONES IDEAS OF WHO WE ARE AND HOW WE SHOULD LIVE OUR LIVES, I AM DOING WHATEVER FLOATS MY BOAT!
Obviously
i dont mean this literally, i will always take into consideration how
it effects those I care about and those around me and im not gunna go
bust a cap in a homie just cuz i feel like it, i just mean i am not
going to worry about the judgement i get (<–so im not in school.
seriously?? is that like universal code for throwing your life away or
something?)/will get when my lifestyle gets even more Sara-y and less
typical 20 year old.
i dont mean this literally, i will always take into consideration how
it effects those I care about and those around me and im not gunna go
bust a cap in a homie just cuz i feel like it, i just mean i am not
going to worry about the judgement i get (<–so im not in school.
seriously?? is that like universal code for throwing your life away or
something?)/will get when my lifestyle gets even more Sara-y and less
typical 20 year old.
Movies and magazines and filled with
crappy quotes about reaching for the stars or whatever, following your
dream, but its always in this generic ‘start your own business,’ or
‘even though your from the ghetto become a successful rap musician,’
sort of thing.
Well thats not my dream.
I dont care about finding success, I care about love and happiness.
I dont want just one thing, I want to do everything!
I
want to paint and create and be a musician and dancer and start a
business or a something (a coffee shop, a bookstore, an orphanage,
making and selling my own products, something theres a million of but
is completely unique to its kind), and work with nuns even though im
not catholic, and go all over the world – but not to visit, to live
(but never for too long, until i finally fall so completely in love
with some place that i cant bare to leave it), and take pictures of
everything, and become a mother, and help spread AIDs awareness in
Africa, and be in love with a boy for my entire life and have him love
me back, meet the sort of people who change your life, be the sort of
person who changes other peoples lives, and be homeless for awhile just
for kicks, and read in the park everyday, and become a film and music
critic and go to shows allll the freakin time and say stuff like ‘oh,
yeah, bjork was pretty good the first 9 times i saw her…’, become a
visual anthropologist, volunteer random places for the rest of my life,
build houses in mexico, do ywam, plant gardens all over the world!,
become a graffiti master, and meet ALL sorts of people from all
different nationalities and backgrounds, and have a job that is silly
and pays very little but i love and is exactly perfect for me, and bake
my own bread and share it with the little widow who lives next door who
at first seemed atrocious but im discovering is actually quite adorable
and endearing, and be the best sort of friend possible to anyone who
needs one, and to find beauty in everything, and to… theres just so
much that i want to do! my dreams can’t be contained by one career or a
generic american lifestyle!
crappy quotes about reaching for the stars or whatever, following your
dream, but its always in this generic ‘start your own business,’ or
‘even though your from the ghetto become a successful rap musician,’
sort of thing.
Well thats not my dream.
I dont care about finding success, I care about love and happiness.
I dont want just one thing, I want to do everything!
I
want to paint and create and be a musician and dancer and start a
business or a something (a coffee shop, a bookstore, an orphanage,
making and selling my own products, something theres a million of but
is completely unique to its kind), and work with nuns even though im
not catholic, and go all over the world – but not to visit, to live
(but never for too long, until i finally fall so completely in love
with some place that i cant bare to leave it), and take pictures of
everything, and become a mother, and help spread AIDs awareness in
Africa, and be in love with a boy for my entire life and have him love
me back, meet the sort of people who change your life, be the sort of
person who changes other peoples lives, and be homeless for awhile just
for kicks, and read in the park everyday, and become a film and music
critic and go to shows allll the freakin time and say stuff like ‘oh,
yeah, bjork was pretty good the first 9 times i saw her…’, become a
visual anthropologist, volunteer random places for the rest of my life,
build houses in mexico, do ywam, plant gardens all over the world!,
become a graffiti master, and meet ALL sorts of people from all
different nationalities and backgrounds, and have a job that is silly
and pays very little but i love and is exactly perfect for me, and bake
my own bread and share it with the little widow who lives next door who
at first seemed atrocious but im discovering is actually quite adorable
and endearing, and be the best sort of friend possible to anyone who
needs one, and to find beauty in everything, and to… theres just so
much that i want to do! my dreams can’t be contained by one career or a
generic american lifestyle!
Basically, this has been the really
long way of saying that even though Amsterdam would be fairly
temporary, I feel like it is exactly what I am supposed to do and is
the perfect initiation into living by passion and what compels and
captivates me and challenges and encourages and breaks and beautify’s
me. It’s so weird, I get kooky ideas like this all of the time but i
usually have so many reservations about them that stop me, even if it
was only a week before i was supposed to leave (i.e. summer 06). I have
almost no doubts in my mind that this is what I need to do.”
long way of saying that even though Amsterdam would be fairly
temporary, I feel like it is exactly what I am supposed to do and is
the perfect initiation into living by passion and what compels and
captivates me and challenges and encourages and breaks and beautify’s
me. It’s so weird, I get kooky ideas like this all of the time but i
usually have so many reservations about them that stop me, even if it
was only a week before i was supposed to leave (i.e. summer 06). I have
almost no doubts in my mind that this is what I need to do.”
Yeah, so to all of who aren’t really sure what this is referencing because you either haven’t heard, or have misheard (no, i did
not just return from camp, an orphanage, isreal, or a tour of iraq
‘just cuz it was free and i felt like it,’ and i’m not going any of
those places, either) I’m temporarily moving to the Netherlands! I’ll miss
you all and hopefully will see you in January!
not just return from camp, an orphanage, isreal, or a tour of iraq
‘just cuz it was free and i felt like it,’ and i’m not going any of
those places, either) I’m temporarily moving to the Netherlands! I’ll miss
you all and hopefully will see you in January!
P.S. Amsterdam is in the Netherlands, in the continent of Europe. I
stopped assuming that this was a fairly well known fact after the
fourth , “Wait, now which state is Amsterdam in again?”
stopped assuming that this was a fairly well known fact after the
fourth , “Wait, now which state is Amsterdam in again?”
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